why am i here.

incognitovindicator:

synnesai:

derpyjen:

theslackerhero:

illustratedpig:

mutisija:

smugleaf42:

trickstermodeatnight:

stale-brain-cake:

orlyman:

hyaku-shiki:

DO NOT FUCKING READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE DISTURBED OH GOD!

quoting from the site

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Jan. 19, 2012 By Carl Rigley

When I get home from work every day, my kids’ and wife’s eyes just light right up. Why do they light up? Cause when Daddy gets home, he pops a viagra pill, and for the next 2 hours he masturbates non-stop until he has just enough semen to spruce up dinner. You can’t store it, fresh cum is the only way to go. By the time my cock is red, the wife and kids are already sitting at the dinner table, food all prepared and waiting on me. Next thing you know, a big smile stretches across my face to see my whole family gobbling down a little piece of me in their gravy :’) Brings tears to my eyes and I am filled with overwhelming joy. Buy this book if you truly want to have a religious experience at the dinner table every evening! Hell, even holding this book and reading through the recipes will have you licking your lips and talking to God! IT IS THAT F**KING AMAZING!                                            

Another quote from the comments

“I absolutely love this book! I have found the secret to amazing food making that friends and family are sure to enjoy. It’s so exciting to think that this is never an ingredient you will run out of but will always be an ingredient for a great dish. I have showed my kids how daddy makes a delicious eclair and I tell them how all you need is three tablespoons and one day you boys will be able to produce that much. We also have the option of jerking off the dog too. And his is pretty scrumptous! Thanks for sharing all your amazing recipes, yummy eclairs, delectable flan and protein shakes. Our whole family feels blessed. WE LOVE YOU NATURAL HARVEST!”

I AM UPSET BY THIS

YOUR KIDS?

WHAT

AAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
NO NO NO NO N O NO N O NO N O NO NO N O NO N N O NO N O NO N O

I WAS LITERALLY BACKING MY LAPTOP AWAY FROM ME! NO NO N  NO NO  NO NO NO N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DISGUST DISGUST NO NO NO !!!!!!!!

SSSSSSSSSSDFLKSDYFUIPSHDY*)F&$#YR)*$#UHFUOIOEHDOKFJHNDSLKFJHNLJKDSHFJKLDSF

NOOOOOOO

NOOOO NO NO NON ON

NOOOOOOOOO

NOO!

NOOOOOO

ok. what. i mean like, i understand if someone wants to swallow it after ya know blowjob and stuff… but… this is just… oh god. this is bad joke right?

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

GOD WHY WOULD YOU

THIS IS DISGUSTING

I MEAN SERIOUSLY THIS IS
NASTY

I can semen buying this book.

^ MAX, YOUR PUNS ARE GREAT

….a-wha did i just what

i guess i’m going to open a cafe now

oh god oh god oh god can’t save me now

(via nyannekosugargirls)